Poland, one of my coworkers, mentioned recently that he actually had a just-in-case speech prepared for the wedding.

Besides being one of the best writers for You Don't Know Jack, Poland also does all the music and most of the sound effects for the game. Over the years, if I couldn't think of a funny joke for a certain dialogue slot, I'd write in some kind of funny sound effect instruction, knowing that Poland would do it, and make it hilarious. This eventually evolved into me intentionally inventing strange sfx instructions just to see if he could do it.

Well, apparently he printed up a list of some of his favorites that I'd written, and although he didn't get a chance to read them at the wedding, here are some of them:

"[sfx: eagle caw and then poop sound]"

"[SFX: parrot vomitting] (sic)"

"(SFX: sheep baa, then gunshot, then thump of sheep hitting ground)"

"[SFX: nunchuk sound, interspersed with painful sounding bonks]"

“eagle shooting lasers out of eyes”

"[SFX: sheep baaing, positively?]"

"[sfx: squawking of multiple falling chickens]"

"[sfx: sad pig squeal]"

"[sfx: pterodactyl hitting a cow?]"

"[sfx: dolphin squeals then 70s porn music]"

"[sfx: background sound of a sort of regal meow]"

"[sfx: two boob honks and a poop sound]"

"[SFX: violin, trumpet, guitar and bongo blasting out noise and mariachi singer yelling ominous things in Spanish]"

"[sfx: angry sounding tinkerbell talking]"

"[sfx: pretty bird sounds, then a loud jet sound, and somehow getting across that the jet kills the birds?]"

"[SFX; fart noise]"

"[SFX: funnier fart noise]"

"[SFX: funniest fart noise]"